Will Self wrote another book last year. Even Books read it and wrote him a letter. Will, if you’re on our site (again) (Seriously Will, what’s with you loving us so much? Everyone’s all like, ‘Oh hey Will Self, there’s this incredible party happening tonight in Shoreditch for you to be fabulous at’ and you’re all, ’sorry guys, Throw Shapes just updated their blog’), scroll down.
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Dear Will,
Hi! How are you? Still got that face “like a bag full of genitals“? Enjoying the walking? Making everyone else in the world feel that they lack an adequate vocabulary? Excellent, old chap, good to hear.
Now, firstly, let us say that we are big fans. Huge in fact. Between us we own pretty much every book you’ve ever written. And we totally read them! In fact, one of our first BFF bonding moments was a discussion about the dude that grows a vagina in the back of his knee in Cock and Bull. That was totally gross. And by gross we mean rad.
Also, when we were living in London in some shitty place right next to the largest housing estate on the planet, and we were all ‘Hey, London’s pretty grim, innit?’, reading How the Dead Live really helped. Which was odd, seeing as it depicted the suburb we lived in as a land full of dead people… But it totally sorted us out! Viewing our neighbours as corpses made the place feel much more manageable. So thanks for that.
Great Apes was hilarious, Dorian was, like, totally ambitious but you pulled it off (no pun intended), and your phrase ‘conga line of butt-fucking’ was thrown around our group of friends like a happy baby for a good few months, bringing a smile to the face of whoever held it.
So yes, we like you. You’re clever and you make the funnies with the words. But here’s the thing: your latest book SUCKS ASS. Please explain.
Forever yours (unless things keep getting worse),
Alice and Angela.
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+ + til next time, even books + +
Posted by Even Books in Gatecrashers, Words
Tags: Alice Fenton, Angela Bennetts, even books, even books gatecrash, the Butt, Will Self












I love this!
Can expressions of author letdown forever be known as “Dear Will letters”?
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